I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
