Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
