there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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