He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
