watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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