White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
