Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
