the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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