Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
