Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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