Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
