this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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