He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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