just survived the first fart of the relationship.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
