Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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