I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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