but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
