I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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