I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
