PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
