even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
