Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
