Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
