peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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