i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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