There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
