nutella sex= disaster
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
