I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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