remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
