I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just puked most of my soul out..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
