Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
