Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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