that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
