What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
