He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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