He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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