You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
