Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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