my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
