I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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