remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
two words: eviction party
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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