I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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