Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
