i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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