Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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