Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
