Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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