is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
