I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
