Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize