Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
