I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
