He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
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I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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