my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
