capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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