Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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