I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No subtext here. People are naked.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
