I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
