You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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