Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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