well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
