HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
