I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
