OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
