so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
