I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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