and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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