Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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