I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
