I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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