All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
