Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
